The True Nature of Confidence

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Let’s do a little exercise, with two truths and a lie about confidence. Take a guess about which one is the lie:

1. No one is confident in everything.
2. You already have confidence.
3. You can develop confidence in every aspect of your life.

If you guessed C, you’re right, because it’s impossible to be confident in ALL aspects of your life. We simply don’t have enough time or mental capacity to fully master everything. 

Before we define confidence and explore how to develop it, let’s establish what confidence is NOT: 

Confidence is NOT extroversion. 

It is NOT arrogance. 

It is NOT bragging rights.

Rather, confidence is an assurance that you are competent. It is an accurate and positive belief that you have the abilities and skills to execute. Confidence is not a state of mind — it is rooted in REALITY. 

Confidence is quiet. It is secure.

Confidence is a result, an outcome. It’s not something that just comes to you, or that you’re born with. As such, it does not make you feel superior. It’s a measurement of your mastery over a skill developed, from practice. It can be acquired and lost. 

Confidence isn’t static. 

I used to lead a class about speaking with confidence. There are a lot of presentations involved, and for some, it can be really nerve-wracking.

One student in particular struggled with presentations. She was so nervous and shaky, it seemed like she might have an anxiety attack at any moment. It was a real challenge to help her build her confidence up even for a one-minute presentation. We had a lot of one-on-one conversations to try and get to the root of the issue.

That’s when I found out something interesting about her. She taught ice skating lessons! Now, I’m not an ice skater myself, but I was curious to learn. So I signed up for one of her classes. And let me tell you, she was absolutely MASTERFULLY CONFIDENT on the ice. She was flipping, spinning, and gliding around with ease, while I was struggling just to stand up. It was such a stark contrast to the way she was in our class. It made me realize that confidence isn’t always a fixed trait that we either have or don’t have. We can be confident in some things, and not so much in others. It’s all about finding your strengths and building on them. 

The CIA Formula 

The CIA method is a cycle to UpSkill your confidence through three steps: 

1. Courage
2. Intention
3. Action

The formula is a cycle, not linear, so you can start with any step depending on where you’re at. If you already know your intention, start with courage. If you have the intention and courage, go straight to action. But if you haven’t started, begin with intention. Today, we’re starting with the “I” for intention:

In simple terms, intention means knowing where you want to go. In the early activity, you figured out that the lie was that you don’t need to be confident in everything, just in the areas that will support your overarching goals and life purpose.

Brainstorm this question: 

Which areas in your life do you already have confidence in, and where do you need it? 

Next, pick one area for improvement and identify who you know that’s confident in this area. Map out your vision of this confidence, modelled by a person who already has it. What do they do? 

Finally, reflect:

What is your vision for your OWN confidence in this area? 

What will it look like sound like, feel like? What specific actions will you take to achieve this vision?